I’m Not Sure About This

I know it has been a long time since I posted.  For the majority of that time I had no updates about whether my family was coming.  Then last Thursday I got the call.  They had decided to come and not only that but they were coming at the time they had originally planned.  Needless to say we were pretty excited.

My parents and sisters arrived  Saturday night.  So far we haven’t done much it has been a great time of catching up.  Caitlyn is still reallly sick and has to have a two hour nap at least once a day.  The ritual my parents and Ally go through to wake her in the morning (as the worst thing they can do is let her sleep all day) is quite an ordeal.  It takes them a good 20-30 min to wake them and just little shaking isn’t going to do it.  They are still yet to offiicaly diagnose her however it looks like it is Crhones Disease.

Thank you so much for all  your prayers and support and if you think of it please keep praying for her.

As I have mentioned in previous posts my family is supposed to be coming for Christmas.  It is something I have looked forward to for a long time.  However, there is a chance that they will not be able to come.

My youngest sister, Caitlyn, has been sick for the last 3-4 months. The doctors are unsure of what it is however they are throwing around 2 theories right now, neither of which they are very confident about. They are trying to get her into see a pediatric gastroenterologist but the wait is 12 months. Hopefully by then they will either know what is going on or she will be better.

Two weeks ago she ended up in hospital so sick because she was dehydrated and couldn’t even swallow her own saliva (I am sure she will love that I am telling you this).  She was prescribed some stronger and better drugs and she got a lot better, but that only lasted 3 days.  Now she is as sick as ever. Of course this is very disouraging and stressful for my whole family.  They are at a loss of what to do next.

Needless to say, we don’t know what to do as far as them coming over.  If she is feeling better and then something was to happen on the plane…  Despite whether they can come or not we are really praying for a breakthrough so she can just enjoy living again.  She is only 14 and has missed so much of this last year.  Please also pray for my parents and other little sister for wisdom and patience as they make decisions.

As you may or may not have noticed, I haven’t written very much recently on here. For the last few weeks it has been crazy busy and just a little stressful. This week, thank goodness, has been rather boring.  I have longed for a boring week with not as much going on for I don’t know how long. So naturally, I don’t have much to write about, but I do have a few thoughts. Not very profound, but it is where I am at right now.

I was leading worship yesterday at the base and with all that has been happening in the lives of our staff I wanted to lead us in a quiet time of meditation and reflection. While music played in the background words and pictures flashed on the wall in front of us

At the end of our time the verse Romans 12:9-13 came up:

It always amazes me as I lead a devotional, intercession or worship how God usually challenges me more than the people I am leading. As I reflected on this verse, I had to ask myself,  “Am I really doing this, not only with the immediate people around me my husband, family and co-workers, but also with my community and city?” and the answer is no.

As our DTS students arrive in January and my life gets crazy busy again, not only is God calling me to really love these students, but to model that to a much broader community.

Jamie has been looking at who his heroes are in a recent blog and it has made me think about it. Besides Jesus and my family, do I have heroes in my life and if so, who are they? I guess when I think of a hero I think of someone almost not human but in reality the people who have inspired me are just normal people who have done extroadinary things. There are three people who I thought of straight away that have influenced who I am and what I do.

In 1995 the story of Janine Shepherd was published, “Never Tell Me Never”.  Janine is an amazingly strong and determined woman.  While training for the winter Olympics she was hit by a truck while riding a bike. She was told she would never walk again, however, not only did she walk she had a family, went to university, she took up flying and gained her private pilot’s licence, commercial licence and her instructor’s permit. I was fifteen when I read her story and watched the movie made about her life, I was young and at the stage of my life where I was struggling with an illness that the doctors couldn’t diagnose. She inspired me to be strong, determined and most importantly to truly live! I can’t thank her enough.  Without her story I wouldn’t be the woman I am today.

I grew up in the Anglican church and while I wouldn’t necessarily call myself Anglican, it was here that I was first introduced to Desmond Tutu. Tutu headed the very successful Truth and Reconciliation Commission, the body set up to probe gross human rights violations during apartheid. While I know that it was not perfect he taught me what true Godly justice and forgiveness meant. He continues to speak out against racism, injustice and peace issues that are very poignant to the community I work with.

The third person who has been a major influence in my life is Jay Bakker. The son of the well-known televangelist Jim Bakker, he had a trubulant youth.  Jay started a ministry for people who were being ignored or rejected by the church due to their appearance and lifestyle. “Revolution” shows unconditional love and grace without reservation to the lost and hurting. I love hearing stories who are meeting the needs of the urban world.

I’d love to hear who your heroes are.

I feel like a little kid!

It is only 50 sleeps until my family comes to visit all the way from Canberra, Australia to Winnipeg, Canada. I am so excited.  I love my family so much and I hate how far I now live from them.  However, despite the distance, I have also realised this year (in particular) how close we have all remained.  I know that not everyone is that lucky.  They truly love and support me.

             (This picture was taken 12 years ago at Australia’s Wonderland)

I was reading an email from my youngest sister yesterday that she wrote me just after Jamie & I had lost our baby.  She is only 14 and yet it still makes me cry when I think about it.  She was able to get at the heart of issue better than most adults have been able to you.  Mind you, Caity has never been afraid to say what she thinks. 

This trip is going to be full of firsts for my family:

• First time they come to Winnipeg
• First time they see where we live
• First time meeting my in-laws
• First time they experience a white Christmas
• First time they feel there nose hairs freeze
• First time they see snow drifts
• First time to experience the most dreaded -40 temperature.

I can’t wait!

As of tomorrow Jamie and I will have been married for four years (depending from which wedding you count, we married each other 3 times but that is another story).  I knew when I got married that it would be ‘until death do us part’.  However I never could have imagined all that we would do in four short years.

 
We have travelled the world together.  In addition to being an international marriage (I’m an Aussie married to a Canadian/American), we are also missionaries and so get to see a lot of places, both together and apart.  My favourite was definately showing Jamie my home and exploring it together.  I don’t think Jamie could totally understand me until he saw where I am from and the culture that helped make me who I am.  Australia is an amazing country I strongly encourage visiting it.

We have started a YWAM base together- a ministry that, while always challenging, is something I love very much.  I have never felt happier doing anything else.  We have a great team and when I look at where we are going it is very exciting.

We have bought a house together- I never thought we would own a house this early in our marriage.  And more importantly it feels like HOME.  I wondered whether Canada would ever be home.  I knew it was where I would be living, but that is very different to it being home.

We got a dog together.  We love our Dino.  Sure, we know he is not human, but he is as close to a baby as we have right now.  He is full of character and personality. 

And together we are looking to start a family, whether it is a biological child or an adopted  one.  While starting family a lot harder than we expected I know that when we finally have our baby it will be another journey that we get to go through together.

I know it is only four years and that is not long in the big picture, but I look forward to going into the next stage of our marriage together.  Jamie, I love you more now than the day I married you.

I know it has been a while since I have blogged.  For just under three weeks in September I was busy with Mission Adventures.  We saw over 130 people aged 14-24 come through our doors.  The first team was from Crystal City, MB and, while it was only a small team, it was both a lot of fun but also a time of really exploring both the problems as well as the community in the inner city.  It was chance get past some some of the stereotypes and generalities that are to often mistaken as the whole truth.

The next 3 teams were from Canadian Mennonite University’s program called Outtatown.  While these teams were a lot of fun I felt like we had only brushed the surface of what we do when they left (they were only here for 2-3 days each).  With our older teams I love to go deeper into the issue, but I felt that the time restrictions were really hard.

Before the last team had left Jamie and I began our first holiday (alone as a couple) since we were married (thanks Amanda and Michelle covering for us after we left).  We began by going to Kerrobert to celebrate our with our good friends (as well as a lot of our YWAM family) Ange and Leigh on there wedding day.  It was such an amazing day, not only because Angela and I have gone through so much together and to see one her dreams come true in such a special  way was so exciting, but also because I know she is marrying a great guy.  I mean he is Australian after all. Hee Hee…

We then went on to Edmonton for a much needed break.  I don’t think we realised how much we needed to get away .  We spent 4 days shopping (YEAH), swimming & water sliding, and hanging out with the seals and penguins (definately a highlight).  But more importantly hanging out with each other. 

We come back ready to, not only jump back into work, but also looking forward to the future.

**I will share more on hopefully starting a family in my next blog.  I have got a lot of emails on whether we are pregnant these last few weeks and while the answer is, unfortunately, still no, I know a lot of you have been part of this journey this last few years so I will share where we are at soon.**

I know it has been a while since I have written.  Things here are a little crazy right now.  We have over 130 people participating in our Mission Adventures program in the next 2 weeks. 

With that going on and trying to plan for our very first holiday.  I haven’t had much time to blog.   Please pray for us through this caotic period.

I promise that once things have calmed down a little I will blog again.

I grew up in Australia and I spent most of my life in or around Canberra, which to most Australians that is as cold as it gets (Canberra usually doesn’t get colder than 0 degrees celcius and gets up to 40 degrees celcius).  My favourite place would be Townsville, which we would visit in the summer (around 40 degrees with 90 percent humidity).  Even my family thinks I’m crazy for liking the heat and Jamie (my husband) says he won’t go there at that time of year. **Dad, just a reminde:r you and Jamie had an agreement that if you spent Christmas in Winnipeg then he would spend Christmas in Townsville. Can’t wait for you to come this Christmas. hee hee…

So how did I come to be in Winnipeg?  When I was 12, I was on a camp and the chaplain told me that she felt I was going to go into full time ministry and that I would be involved in a Winnipeg project.  Well, at 12 I didn’t really know what to do with this information but when she said it, somehow I knew it was true.  Now, at the time I had no idea what, who, where or when Winnipeg was. 

Fast forward 6 years.  I was 18 years old and, partly due to an illness I had, I was looking for something to do while I took a year off from school.  As I was looking I remembered that word spoken over me and decided to see if I could find a program/ministry called Winnipeg.  I still had no idea Winnipeg was a place.  After much searching I gave up and decided to go to Canada for my Discipleship Training School (DTS) with YWAM Winfield, British Columbia. It was here that I first met Jamie, who was one of my school leaders.

During the first month of being on my DTS my room mate came up to me and said she felt like she was suppossed to be a part of a Winnipeg project.  I was excited that this thing I had searched for must be real, for not one but two people who have never met had received the same word.  I began to ask my roommate if she knew what Winnipeg was.  She proceeded to tell me that Winnipeg was the worst place in Canada.  That it was freezing cold, that they had large mosquitoes and that there was nothing there.

I have to admit, I really didn’t hear what she said after freezing cold.  Here I was: an Aussie who loved the heat and who was struggling with the cold in April in BC- in my mind there was just no way I would survive Winnipeg.  I soon found out that Winnipeg was not just cold, but the COLDEST city of its size in the world.

I really thought there must have been a mistake.  Not only was God calling me not to return to Australia but he was calling me to Winnipeg.  Was this a joke?  My husband does like to say that if Hell is a wasteland of infernal fire and heat, then Heaven must be a beautiful glaciel paradise.  While I know that God has a sense of humour, I also know that He is a loving God who cares about all our needs and there was no way that He would call me to place that I would be miserable.

It really makes me wonder when you hear someone say “I hope God never calls me to the Amazon.  I would hate that”,  and then someone says “I wouldn’t say it out loud- God will call you there.”  I understand the premise that we need to be willing to do whatever God calls us to and that when He calls us there is always sacrifice and it is not all fun and games.  BUT if God truely is a loving God I just can’t see him saying, “Well, Bobby doesn’t want to go to the Amazon, so therefore he must go there.”

However, I am extremely glad that God brought me to Winnipeg.  This city, while it is truly looked down upon by most of country, is an amazing city that celebrates the diversity of not only Canada’s First Nations people, but also broad spectrum of other cultures.  It is also a city with great need.  It is not hard to fall in love with Winnipeg when you look into the eyes of it citizens.  I spent the first half my YWAM days in Vancouver and I love that city it is not only beautiful but diverse and a lot of fun.  However I never felt at home there like do in Winnipeg.

Now, I am not saying that I now love -40 or that I even know why God created anything below 20 degrees.   However I do love Winnipeg and (luckily for me) my husband allows me to control the temperature of the house during the winter no matter what the cost.  As much as I feel privileged to serve God by ministering to the people of this city, I am equally blessed by how much they have changed me for the better.

In my last blog I talked about how this year has been full of both blessings and challenges.  However, in it, I focused on the highs.  In this post I want to concentrate on the lows, even though they are still painful to write about.  I don’t think you can truly appreciate how significant these last few months have been until you’ve seen both sides.  This year has been full of loss and I admit that as I sing “Blessed Be Your Name”  I still struggle to get through the last  verse.

Every blessing you pour out,
I turn back to praise
When the darkness closes in, Lord
Still I will say…
Blessed be the name of the Lord
Blessed be your name
Blessed be the name of the Lord
Blessed be your glorious name

You give and take away
You give and take away
My heart will choose to say
Lord Blessed be your name
(by Matt Redman)

Recently my Grandfather (better known as Pop by all his grandchildren) lost his battle with Alzheimer’s.  While things had changed these last few years my last memory with Pop reminded me of how it was when we were younger. This last July, when I was home for Sarah (my cousin) and Lance’s wedding, Pop and I went shopping for my wedding present (we are still not sure what happened to the first one).  Although a little slower and confused about why we were buying me a present when it was Sarah’s wedding, he was full of laughter and stories. I’ll miss you, Pop.

Unfortunately Pop wasn’t my only loss this year. Earlier this year my husband and I found out that we were pregnant.  We had been trying to get pregnant for about three months and were so excited when we found out.  We nicknamed this baby growing inside of me Appleseed (which Jamie wrote a short piece on here).  As Appleseed grew we planned and looked forward to the day when we would be able to share this news with our family and friends , but that day never came.  At least not in the way we planned.

Nine weeks into the pregnancy there were complications.  I know there is no good way to lose a baby, but for just over 2 weeks I was on bed rest as things went up and down with the doctors having no idea whether our precious baby would survive.  So rather than sharing the exciting news, instead we began making the hardest phone calls asking many of you to pray.  I don’t think I have ever pleaded with God harder and longer.  Being on bed rest gave me plenty of time for that.

Unfortunately, Appleseed passed away and I am left wondering what happened.  Of course the first question you ask is if there was anything I could have done differently?  We don’t really know why our baby died, nor can the medical world find any deifinate answers.   However, I do know that our baby has brought my husband and I closer to each other and more certain that we need God more now than ever.

I am sure as I continue to seek after God through the loss of my Pop and the baby, as well as through the joy of my job and the love of my husband, I am sure that I will become the person I was inteded to be.    As hard as it is somtimes “My heart will choose to say, Lord Blessed be your name”.