August 24, 2005

Blessed Be Your Name - Part 2

In my last blog I talked about how this year has been full of both blessings and challenges.  However, in it, I focused on the highs.  In this post I want to concentrate on the lows, even though they are still painful to write about.  I don't think you can truly appreciate how significant these last few months have been until you've seen both sides.  This year has been full of loss and I admit that as I sing "Blessed Be Your Name"  I still struggle to get through the last  verse.

Every blessing you pour out,
I turn back to praise
When the darkness closes in, Lord
Still I will say...
Blessed be the name of the Lord
Blessed be your name
Blessed be the name of the Lord
Blessed be your glorious name

You give and take away
You give and take away
My heart will choose to say
Lord Blessed be your name
(by Matt Redman)



Recently my Grandfather (better known as Pop by all his grandchildren) lost his battle with Alzheimer's.  While things had changed these last few years my last memory with Pop reminded me of how it was when we were younger. This last July, when I was home for Sarah (my cousin) and Lance's wedding, Pop and I went shopping for my wedding present (we are still not sure what happened to the first one).  Although a little slower and confused about why we were buying me a present when it was Sarah's wedding, he was full of laughter and stories. I'll miss you, Pop.

Unfortunately Pop wasn't my only loss this year. Earlier this year my husband and I found out that we were pregnant.  We had been trying to get pregnant for about three months and were so excited when we found out.  We nicknamed this baby growing inside of me Appleseed (which Jamie wrote a short piece on here).  As Appleseed grew we planned and looked forward to the day when we would be able to share this news with our family and friends , but that day never came.  At least not in the way we planned.

Nine weeks into the pregnancy there were complications.  I know there is no good way to lose a baby, but for just over 2 weeks I was on bed rest as things went up and down with the doctors having no idea whether our precious baby would survive.  So rather than sharing the exciting news, instead we began making the hardest phone calls asking many of you to pray.  I don't think I have ever pleaded with God harder and longer.  Being on bed rest gave me plenty of time for that.

Unfortunately, Appleseed passed away and I am left wondering what happened.  Of course the first question you ask is if there was anything I could have done differently?  We don't really know why our baby died, nor can the medical world find any deifinate answers.   However, I do know that our baby has brought my husband and I closer to each other and more certain that we need God more now than ever.



11 week old baby about the same age as when Appleseed  passed away

I am sure as I continue to seek after God through the loss of my Pop and the baby, as well as through the joy of my job and the love of my husband, I am sure that I will become the person I was inteded to be.    As hard as it is somtimes "My heart will choose to say, Lord Blessed be your name".
Posted by Gracelet at 17:56:39 | Permanent Link | Comments (5) |

August 22, 2005

Blessed Be Your Name - Part 1

This year has been a strange year.  It has been full of the amazing highs as well as some of the worst lows.  While the year is not done yet I have begun to reflect on some of the "whys" behind the highs and lows.


These last 8 months have been some of my most fulfilling.  I truly love what I do.  I am the executive co-director (with my husband) of a small but vibrant YWAM base in Winnipeg.  We have seen the completion of our first Discipleship Training Schools (see above photo of students).  While the school wasn't perfect and personally I made lots of mistakes, it is great when you can look back on something and say it was a success.  All of our students came away with probably more questions than when they started (I love that when it happens because there is so much we don't know and that is only truly revealed when we seek after Him).  Their eyes were opened to a bigger understanding of not only who God is but the world around them.

We also just finished our first Mission Adventures (MA) Summer Program.  Although we have been running the MA program since we got to Winnipeg at the beginning of 2002 and I had helped run many summer programs at YWAM Vancouver. We had never run a summer here and all of you who have been involved in MA know how much work goes into putting the summer together.  I know it's a lot of work and I know my husband thinks I am crazy but I thrive in that environment.  There were many days this summer where I worked 20hr days, sometimes because I had to but other times where I just didn't want to leave and miss anything.  I love it!  I am my own worst critic so I already know a lot of things we will do differently next year, but once again I was so proud of what my staff did this summer.  They are amazing.   This was my favorite summer ever.

Another area of my life I would not change is my marriage.  I am married to the best guy ever, who, while doesn't understand how I can possibly want to work 20hr after 20hr after 20hr day supports me all the way.  Jamie and I, when you look at us, don't have a lot in common.  Nothing makes him happier than finding ideas that he can intellectually, spiritually and emotionally wrestle with and then come out the other side to not only apply to his own life but help the people around him.  We often have people calling and emailing us (actually not me, Jamie) because they are struggling with some theological or personal issue.  I look at the issue and go "That's a really good question but I don't have a clue." Jamie looks at the same issue and goes either "Have you thought about this" or "I'm not totally sure but let's explore that."  Yet despite our differences- in fact, sometimes because of our differences- there is no other man more perfect for me.

I know there are lots of people out there who are not excited to wake up and go to workwho don't have husbands that will support anything they truly want to do.  When I look at this part my life it is really easy to say:



Every blessing You pour out


I'll turn back to praise


When the darkness closes in, Lord


Still I will say




Blessed be the name of the Lord


Blessed be Your name


Blessed be the name of the Lord


Blessed be Your glorious name


(by Matt Redman)




But this has only been one side to my year. The other part is still much harder to talk about.  And the part I don't understand why.  Part 2 to come...

       
Posted by 
        Gracelet
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August 21, 2005

       

     

      
Ok I'll give it a try

             
My husband has been trying to get on board with the blog world for some time. He insists that once I start I will love it. I'm not so sure. Mainly because what the heck do I have to say that anyone would even be remotely intrested in reading.



I don't have anything hugely profound to write like my husband. or exciting like my friend Ange (who is about to get married. YEAH!). or a amazing like my other friend Ralph (who is right now traveling through different parts of asia).



But here goes I don't expect it will be pretty....

       
Posted by 
        Gracelet
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        16:32:37 
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